The Cannonball & the Crotch Rocket (Tag Dunn)

[Bam Margera]

This was gonna be so sweet. I hopped into the lambo to go pick up Dunn. I had two killer stunts lined up today, and I'm gonna need an accomplice for this shit. Pulling up to his place, tires screaming, I parked without running into the garage door. I wasn't gonna fuck up the lambo. Not today anyway. It was 10am, and Dunn's lazy ass never got up until noon, if not later.

"Nothing like a good wake up call." The back door was always unlocked, so I hopped the fence and let myself in. This had to be good, so I raided Dunn's fridge. He had beer, of course, half a pizza, and some chinese food. The pizza was rock hard, week old or more. I have no idea how old the chinese food was, but it smelled like shit. I gagged, pulling my face away from container. "Jesus, Dunn."

Sniggering, I took the pizza box and old ass chinese food and snuck back to his room. I could hear him snoring from outside the door. Trying not to laugh to hard, I pushed the door open and tip-toed in. Crouching down, I set the boxes on the floor, slipping the stale pizza out. There were 3 pieces. I pulled back his covers, to find him passed out naked, laying on is stomach. Shit, this was too good.

Balancing all 3 slices in one hand, I opened the carton of chinese food and positioned myself, leaning over him. The chinese food in my right hand, pizza in my left. At the same time, I dumped over the rank chinese food right on his head, and shoved the pizza in his ass. "AHAHAHAHA! Wake up dumbass! We got shit to do."

[Ryan Dunn]

He snapped his eyes open as the slimy chinese food made contact with his face, then frantically shoved away from the pizza Bam was trying to shove up his ass, falling on the floor as a result with a loud thump.

"AHAHAHAHA! Wake up dumbass! We got shit to do." he heard Bam saying as he shook the smelly chinese food out of his hair and reached for his pillow, intending to go back to sleep on the floor.

"Hell with that man, I was at the bar with Raab and Dico until 3am yesterday. And I'm still sore from getting kicked in the nuts by you and that fat fuck Vito yesterday."

[Bam Margera]

I ripped the pillow out of Dunn's hand and repeatedly whacked him over the head with it. "I don't give a shit what you were doing with Dico and Raab. I was out too fucker, but we got plans today. Get your lazy ass up!" For extra emphasis, I kicked Dunn hard in the ass. We call it motivation.

"Dude, come on. It's almost the fourth, and I got some crazy stunts lined up. Get some fucking clothes on, we got fireworks to pick up." I grinned, tossing his pillow back at him as hard as I could. "I mean it, if you're not up and dressed in 10 fucking minutes I am kicking your ass all the way there."

I leaned against his door frame, grinning. "Two words." I held up one finger, "Crotch." I held up another finger, "Rocket." Then I flipped him off. "And that's just the start. Move it fucker!"