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Post by ♥ Violet Violence ☆ on May 1, 2010 2:17:45 GMT -7
I feel....nothing. Devoid of everything. No emotion, no passion, no spark of life. I truly am in Purgatory. It's been so long that I've drifted here, time seems inconsequential. What matters, when nothing matters at all? When everything slips away from you...
Even if I willed myself back to any other time or place, I feel that nothing could revive me. I am hollow, empty.
Has my blackened heart finally died? Has my soul withered? Or is it simply a boredom created out of emotional upheavals, leaving me destitute within my own mind. I can no longer tell. I no longer care.
I've been away from the world, from all worlds, for so long. Swallowed up by my own inner demons. Perhaps because of who and what I am, I carry within me more personal demons than any other being.
Can I still love? Can I still hate? Can I create, preserve, and destroy? Without passion, none of it seems to matter. One simply must feel passionate about creation, destruction, and yes, even preservation.
I cannot destroy myself. I cannot create what is already made, but I can recreate it, in some fashion. I cannot preserve what is already abandoned to time and space.
I cannot live, and yet I cannot die.
I would, and often do, question all these things. But with no true answer forthcoming, it seems a bit pointless.
Indecision leads to a cacophony of thoughts I can barely keep track of. So many flit through my mind, echo in my conscience, that it feels as if every one slips through my fingers like fine grains of sand.
Can there be something made of nothing? I have done it before. Would that I could find the will to do it again. That I could muster the strength and dignity to remove myself from Purgatory and bring back life to the realms. It seems, for once....beyond me.
Wherever does one turn when they feel so destitute? When they lack the will to carry on, to persevere. I cannot fathom it. Though, I never thought the day would come.
My entire existence is based on a paradox. Light and dark, good and evil, life and death, sanity and insanity. All of these things cannot exist without the other. And yet, feeling so devoid, I cannot with any regularity balance these things. Will the realms crumble and fall without my influence? They haven't yet, but that means little. As little as anything else these days.
Where have I gone? Why have I gone? I question too much, and yet I continue to question everything. I am alone, and yet surrounded. I crave life, and yet yearn for death. Can it be that in my eternal struggles to keep the balance of all things, that I myself have become unbalanced? Unstable to the point where I can no longer go on. If I could hope, I would hope that is not the case. And yet I find myself, for the first time I can remember, but certainly not the last, in a state of....nothingness. So often have I striven to reach this point. And now that I have, I wonder. Should I even be?
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Post by Nena Bazzi on May 10, 2010 6:26:00 GMT -7
Life and Death, it is all the same. Many of her kind have forgotten this, even though they treasure the past life memories of their Ancestors. Nena had not forgotten, cursed or blessed with the knowledge of the dead and living, she was unsure which it was. Many live their entire lives entirely in ignorance, Nena often wished she did as well, but if she did none of the souls that needed her would ever be pushed onward, transcending the mortal coil. She contemplated her own death from time to time, she did die once, brought back from the icy cold grasp of Death. Why had she come back? It wasn't as obvious to her as it was to the spirit that beckoned her.
Coyote loved her, loved her like one of his own children. Even though her pack never claimed him as a Totem spirit. Perhaps it was her relation to Holly? The Nuwisha always favored Nena above the other Garou. Holly saw what Nena really was, even though the rest of the Garou snubbed their noses at her for being Weaver Touched. Nena was full of laughter and joy, even though she never once smiled. The thought of those days brought a quirked brow to Nena's face, a time when Nena was happy. She hasn't been in quite sometime, numbing herself to the world around her. Holly would not approve of Nena's new disposition, but what was she supposed to do? Father Coyote has yet to show disapproval though, so she must be doing exactly what the Coyote God wanted her to do. Or maybe it had nothing to do with what Nena was fated to do, maybe it had all to do with what she had once done.. out witted the greatest trickster.
Perhaps none of it mattered.
What Nena did now on her time seemed far more important than any of her past deeds. The Dark Umbra, The Shadow Lands, Purgatory... this place where the restless souls came to wander. This seemed important to her. This was the place where Nena did the most good. Many ill fated souls came here looking for closure. So had forgotten why they were even here. Their passions nearly stripped from them, leaving them one step closer to becoming mindless unmoving drones, just waiting to be picked up by those who work in the Soul Forges, making them into objects that best suited the Hierarchies needs. Nena didn't care much for the politics, she only cared for the innocent souls who were involved.
Souls fluttered toward her, she was a beacon here. Her aura shined brightly through the colorless lands, in bright vibrant hues. The dead were like moths a flame, enthralled by her presence. They called out for her, their arms reaching out toward her. Some shedding ghostly tears just so they could bask in her warmth. She seemed to ignore them, she couldn't pay attention to every soul that came forth. She couldn't save them all.
Her bare feet curled around the bones that paved the ground as they gave way with a sickening crunch. Blood pooled around the tips of her toes, never water or sand here. Only blood and bones. Her eyes glanced up at the gray colorless sky, Guards circled high above her with their inky black wings. They were watching, keeping eyes so that this lost Garou wouldn't cause troubles.
Her legs stopped, eyes shifting down to the nihl that was opening before her. A spectre maybe? She pulled her bone bow from her shoulder, the arched and warped bow had no string, yet was completely effective. She wasn't sure what was about to come through the black portal, across the tempest. She waited a few moments, nothing seemed to come out. The souls fled from her, afraid of what might be on the other side... Yet Nena was to curious to run.
She poked her head in, taking a small glance. It was dark... The nihl opened wider, engulfing her in it's tendril like shadows. She cautiously took a step in, as soon as both of her feet hit the empty ground below her, the nihl closed. Something was here, Nena could feel the presence deep in her gut. The vibrant soft blue glow from her body only gave a fraction of light that was needed. This place.. was a void. A nothing. Where had Nena gone?
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Post by Monica on May 10, 2010 13:27:33 GMT -7
Monica didn't understand anything, she remembered the sharp pain, followed by coldness. Was this what it was like to be dead? Not able to feel anything. Her head hurt with the questions floating around in her head. Its to nice to be hell, but to well cold to be heaven. This had to be limbo, purgatory, the spirit world.
"My soul isn't clean enough to enter Heaven? Or is it to good for Hell?" Her thoughts weren't in her head she actually heard it. She knew she should feel sad but she didn't. She felt blank.
How long do I have to live like this, if you call this living. I have to keep on existing, without feeling? Looking around, she saw for the first time her aura, it was a golden color with black smut on it.
No I lived a good life I only killed demons, sure I did what normal people do. Smoke, and have sex. I drank, but wasn't drinking mentioned in the bible, wasn't wine important? She didn't feel panic like she knew she should.
"Please I need help!" she heard the echo as she thought it.
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Post by ♥ Violet Violence ☆ on May 13, 2010 2:04:32 GMT -7
Should I be puzzled, alarmed, angry, hurt, delighted? Which emotion do I choose, between those and the cacophony of the others. Light pierced my self-imposed darkness in the very heart of Purgatory. i called for no light! But it felt familiar, I used to have light, as much as dark. This is....gray. It is nothing. It was everything.
As a being, ultimately, of balance & absolute power...I am the stable corruption. The moderator of destruction, the scales of justice. And just maybe, I was....overwhelmed.
And then there's this light. I should stir, but I do not. She is wolf, she is Garou. Her scent, her being, her energy. She radiates, only no longer quite as visually as she should have. Nothing was as bright in my presence right now. I am....devoid. I required something more to peak my interest, if I had any left.
This was no depression, this was no state of bliss. This wasn't even torment. This was utterly nothing. Why should things occur in my nothing? Wait...my nothing. MY nothing. Did I want to be disturbed? Hadn't I, in some way, wanted the solace of neither good or evil, light or dark? And yet the void is dark. A twilight, between.....but if I can see the dark....if I can differentiate the light she cast. Yes...slowly....I can become, somewhat of myself again.
I float, hovering where nothing meets more nothing in this shade of neutral. "Greetings Nena." Of course I knew her. We'd never met, but I knew here all the same. "And why have you stumbled in here? Curiosity killed the wolf?" The corner of my lips twitched. An almost smile. The chaos of stillness that was me, as well as everything around me, shifted. "You wonder where it is you are. This nothing that is something that is nothing. Well, Garou, that IS where you are. Purgatory. My personal, private corner at the moment. Rather drab isn't it? Hardly spectacular."
My voice was even, flat. And then a voice beyond Nena's, rising about the constant hum of the other flurry of voices. One I knew. "Lovely." A statement void of emotion. "For fuck's sake girl, I might as well tell you both to open your eyes." I directed the statement toward Monica. As I said it, Purgatory shifted. My mood had shifted, and so did the realm. Our little trio was now surrounded by the visual static of white noise. "There, isn't this cozy. All three of us girls, the rest of these....damned and undamned, now, literally background noise. You can see, each other, and me. I lifted the veil, in a manner of speaking."
I idly began to pick at my nails, changing them from finely sharpened and dainty noir claws to ragged nails and back. "I might as well fucking repeat myself. You're in Purgatory, girls. I was already here....just.....here. I've lost passion you see. That spark. That light....whatever. I and at the pinnacle of boredom. I feel loss. And yet I feel nothing."
I blinked slowly, my eyes seamlessly changing from a violet hued orb to a serpent's eye of lilac, and gazed at Monica. "Looks like you died precious. Not the first time, won't be the last. You just got stuck in the same energy pattern this go round. And that aura, well, you're a Slayer. An agent for good, generally speaking. And part demon. So there you have it. Mixed aura, explanation for your current residence in Purgatory. Any more questions? What 'help' is it you need? What 'help' is it you expect to find here? This is a place of nothing."
I turned my gaze on Nena. "Not that it matters much, at this point in the game, but Nena....Monica, Monica....Nena." I gestured from one to the other and back. "Garou, werewolf, lycan, whichever term you see fit. She carries two shapes, two essences, as one. Vampire Slayer, Demon....is that not the same complex? I don't feel like explaining where I fit in regards to each paradox. I AM each paradox. You can insert laugh here. I am Violet Violence. But Monica already knew that. You," I pointed to Nena, "haven't encounted me before. Though yes, I know you. I know everything and nothing. It's quite exhausting. And invigorating. It's actually very manic depressive." Finally, another crack of a half smile, and a quirk of a brow. I was feeling something, meager as it was.
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Post by Nena Bazzi on May 14, 2010 2:17:16 GMT -7
This empty void, it reminded Nena of something. The Abyss. It was nothing, a vast space of nothing that consumed everything near it. She had never been there personally but she remembers the stories. Even the most bravest Garou feared what laid beyond the cracked surface of the abyss. Oblivion. Nothing went there and yet here she was, or was she? She was unsure. She still existed and was not devoured into nothing, so she must not be.
Then... a voice spoke. Whoever she was, she knew Nena's name. Curious. Before nena could speak her inquiries were answered. Purgatory. A place of nothing, stuck between the worlds of everything. She canted her head to the side, evaluating the situation was more important than acting. Her nostrils flared, taking in the scent of the she-creatures taint. She reeked of Wyrm Taint, but at the same moment in time, Nena felt no danger. No malice towards her.
Instead Nena felt something else. An emptiness. Driven by self instead of other forces of work. She couldn't understand, why would anyone want to feel such emptiness? Floating along in a vast space of nothing, where only her thoughts would be her company? A quirk of her brow raised as she slowly replaced her bow over her shoulders, a sign that she was not going to cause trouble where none was needed at the moment. Yes she was Garou, it was her job to hunt Wyrm and kill it where it nests and breed, but it didn't take rocket science to know Nena was out classed in this situation and obviously this creature didn't want Nena's death otherwise it would have already been done.
Another voice, Nena's eyes shifted in the dark, the she-creature reacted coldly to the new comer and yet light poured in through the cracks of nowhere, illuminating the room. Nena's nose once again flared, taking in the scent. The young girl wasn't Wyrm, she was something else, something Nena couldn't describe. This puzzled her, a small blow to her ego as she was now encountering things she never even knew existed.
Monica... Violet Violence.. These names, their faces.. she could not make heads or tails. Overwhelming, how just one little ripple in the Dark Umbra can pull you into places you could never even imagine. What was she supposed to say? She was unsure. Though Violet gave away so much about Nana to this strange... girl. Nena turned her head to examine the human child a little more closely. "You are dead." Her voice was flat and monotone, her head tilted to the other side, observing Monica like a lab rat.
"Your life is not over." It was a statement of fact. "Life still flows through your spirit. You do not belong here." Again, no fluxation in her tone. No expression on her face. She was completely stoic as though she had been chiseled from pure onyx. She looked back at Violet, her head tilted once more, "I do not understand." She said with no hesitations.
"You speak in a conundrum that has no answer." She was good at riddles, but this one confused her. "You know all but nothing at all, you are but you are not. I feel I have intruded on your territory, though this place doesn't belong to you. You might have come here for solace, but entirely it is not yours." She canted her head. "Purgatory is for those who cannot move on. Trapped without passions to keep their fill." She blinked, her words still dull. "You belong, but you do not. You are dead, but you are alive. I unfortunately cannot help you, it seems your state is self inflicted."
Nena's gave fell back onto Monica, "As for you, only you can help yourself. Only words of comfort I can give you, is you are here of your own choosing. Heaven nor Hell are places where Warriors rest. You are not at rest, your soul is torn. Perhaps that is why you give off life, afraid to let go." She lifted both brows as she processed more of the girl. "Or I could be completely wrong."
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Post by Monica on May 14, 2010 13:19:46 GMT -7
Monica looked at her cell-mates Violet Violence, a mentor at one time, and possibly friend. Hard to tell sometimes. And Nena, she smelt like well a were.
Listening to Violet speak was kinda comforting like all the stupid little rhymes she listened to as a child. Closing her eyes she tried understand what she was hearing. Opening them again she stuck her tongue out at Violet. "Sorry habit Vi." She mumbled.
She looked over at Nena, when she said she was dead. "I kinda could tell I was dead. I was fighting a Turok-Han, and was pushed off a building. Next thing I know I'm here."
Lifting her arms she raked her hair "I hate word games. what does it mean that I'm both alive and dead, that just doesn't add up. The help i seek is that I want to understand what is happening."
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Post by ♥ Violet Violence ☆ on Jun 11, 2010 15:47:49 GMT -7
I gave more form to myself, the long dark hair, both dull as well as lustrous, hued purple & black. It flowed behind and around me as if blown by a wind, or under water. And yet not even breath existed here. "Nena speaks truth. You are not done with life Monica. You can chose if and when to resume. Most can, but not all. Make your choice and it is done. You are both, as I am both."
A violet light sparkled from behind my eyes, illuminating my paled features as I gazed at Nena. "You say that you do not understand, but it is clear you do. I am the conundrum to end all others. I am above, I am below. I am sinister, I am saintly. I have set myself here, perhaps the most proper place for me, because I am as void as this place, that is not a place. I exist everywhere, in everything. It's quite vexing. Though I am feeling more.....myself as this time passes. You have not intruded, I was not strictly secluded in my corner of nothingness. I simply felt that I belonged where nothing becomes everything while I am so torn."
Monica still remained confused. "You came here because you died. You exist on two planes when you're alive. Slayer and demon, you are what you destroy in a manner of speaking. Carrying each half would ultimately land you here by default. However, the presence of your aura alone should tell you that you are not fully dead. For all intents & purposes, consider this....a pit stop." More or less, it was for Monica. She simply ha to will herself to live, and live she would. I suppose the same could be said for me, though I would always be both life & death.
"I think I have driven myself to the brink. What brink I cannot say. Everything exists because of me. Nothing exists upon my will. It is almost as if I am becoming unstable, being the very essence of balance has unbalanced me. I can reach out and touch every soul, each infinite spark of life, every minute spot of darkness and death. Is it any wonder I would exile myself here? I am trapped by my own makings, my own thoughts seek to destroy me and enlighten me, all at once. Seems it should break anyone, to be such a paradigm."
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Post by Nena Bazzi on Jun 17, 2010 21:35:20 GMT -7
What had Nena stumbled on? The way Violet spoke, it was almost like Nena had stumbled on the Balancer Wyrm itself. Did she? She was starting to believe so. This creature, this magnificant creature wasn't like anything she hd seen before and Nena had almost become arrogant enough to believe she had seen it all. How honored she felt to be humbled. She looked over to Monica and canted her head slightly, the child wasn't very bright. She didn't know how clear her and Violet could make her condition, she wasn't dead. She was alive, her soul was only here out of her own choosing, of course perhaps Nena could be more blunt with her words? No, she couldn't. Being the Ragabash that she was, it would be nearly impossible for her to speak outside of enigmas and riddles, especially with how much she deals with spirits on a regular basis.
She looked back at Violet, looking over the new form she took. "So, you are the Balancer I have been seeking then?" Nena asked, "Ma'at, the Wyrm of Balance?"If so, then Nena could stop her search, stop her traveling in the world of the dead. She could stop everything and deliver a message of hope to her people and find a way to stop the corruption of the Wyrm spreading. Just the thought of this small victory, strange tribal glyphs appeared on her skin, glowing in hues of white, gold and soft blue. This strange werewolf carried a small essence of the Wyld, a sheer raw force of chaos and creation, even though she seemed more stable and in control as the Weaver herself. Almost near complete stasis. Her facial expression never changed, and yet here she was literally glowing and radiating with joy.
A wave of energy flowed from her as flowers even here in this dead place, grew where her feet stood. Her body lit up like a beacon of hope and inspiration. Wind from nowhere swept through purgatory, it shouldn't have happened, this was not a place of such things but it did. The air smelt like rich honey and wild flowers as Nena's emotions were shared with those that stood with her, here in this void. She was a force of creation, a force of Gaia the Great Mother. heart felt like singing, filled with a newfound hope that maybe, just maybe her time away from her daughter would be over, that she could hold her sweet Laura once more.
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Post by Monica on Jun 26, 2010 12:55:13 GMT -7
(sorry sorry i was camping sesh, lol)
Biting her lip Monica thought about what she was being told, "So i just think I can be alive I will be? Sorry to sound like a child but you try being me." she shot out, anger starting to increase the fire growing and heating her blood more.
She knew it was just the demon blood in her making her angry at Vi and Nena. Feeling the electricity growing like a aura around her she tried to calm down. Rubbing her temples she opened her eyes knowing they were icy blue. "Sorry I'm trying to control it
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Post by ♥ Violet Violence ☆ on Jun 27, 2010 17:54:06 GMT -7
((LoL! I knew if I said something you'd show up Mon. )) I gazed long at Nena. "Perhaps I am. Perhaps I am not. There are many beings of balance, but none that rival myself. But I have been called by that name before. I carry many names, like most do that are of my ilk. I have been seen in many forms, the Wyrm is a form not foreign to me. Why do you seek me, Nena? To stop destruction and catastrophe done by another Wyrm? Why would you think that is not me, my doing? For I am both, I am all. Life, Death, and Rebirth. Creation, Preservation, and Destruction. I am the Color of Chaos." As Nena's skin became covered with glyphs, radiating light, I smiled for the first time in a long time. "You carry the Wyld. Your joy, your energy is spreading, I feel both." If her joy wasn't broadcasting through our private corner in Hell, I would not feel joy. It was thanks to her that I had a moment of happiness myself, even if it was not of my own making. The air became scented instead of stagnant. Brilliant instead of dull gray. "Oh hell, here she goes. You know, Nena, you're making your mark in Purgatory. They flock to us now." And so they did, souls of the dead yet undamned and still far from salvation converged near us. "Get thee away. I have not called for you!" They dispersed, back to their aimless wanderings in this vast place of nothingness at the sound of my voice. Their barely there forms dissipating with a wave of my hand. "Nena, if you seek your daughter, why not simply ask me for her? I may feel so inclined to grant such a wish. Then again, I may not. It depends on my mood." Once more my expression was stoic, the joy Nena felt and broad casted leaving me, slowly seeping from me though it still permeated Purgatory. I turned to Monica. "Never mind my moodiness, dear. As you can see, I am not entirely myself. And I haven't been for some time now. But yes, that is precisely it. You are in a place that is not a place. You are able to control your presence here, and if you so choose, can live as you once did." As if in response to Nena's glowing joy, Monica began to radiate anger. I laughed, unable to control it bubbling from my lips. "Oh this is just perfect. Opposing emotions, filling me, completing me. This is home. This is my world." The energy of them both, the emotions they projected were like a drug to me then. I breathed it all in as my body shifted, changed. I was floating, hovering in nothing still, and yet I was above the others. Great leathered wings sprouted from my back as my fangs descended, dripping deadly poison. My pale flesh faded, only to be replaced by iridescent scales, harder than any armor. From lavender to deep purple, my scales were illuminated as if they were lit from some strange light within. My face changed as well, now resembling something between a snake and a dragon. A forked tongue flicked between my fangs, my barbed tail lashed behind me. "You're feeding me, bringing me back to myself. I crave more, but I will not deplete you, for you would both be stuck here, unless I were to set you free." I turned to look down upon Monica. "It is your choice, unleash your anger and fuel my own, or control yourself. You are capable of all that and more. You both are." A great sweep of my wings generated a wind that blew through Purgatory, carrying with it the scent of flowers and honey that came from Nena, as well as sulfur and brimstone, the scents that often accompanied anger and wrath here.
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Post by Monica on Jul 24, 2010 13:12:35 GMT -7
*sorry my laptop broke so I have to use a slow comp, that barley allows this lovely site as result I feel a little [glow=red,2,300]evil[/glow]* Watching Vi change didn't scare Monica like it should. It seemed to just fuel the fire, the honey and flower smell was starting to drive her nuts. "If I help you, and only if, Do you promise to set us free? Cause If not then I could try and calm down. Then if you don't I will find my own way to bring you back to this god forsaken nothing-ness." She said closing her eyes slowly, Upon opening them, she knew her normal ice blue eyes where Green with flakes of red in them, her normal pissed off demon eyes. The eyes she had been working on to control. The inner fire was trying to push its way out, Monica could almost feel herself get heaver, slowly sinking. Taking a deep breath the pushed the fire back enough to where she felt as if she wouldn't leave them. [glow=red,2,300]"What do you say Vi? we have a deal?"[/glow]
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Post by ♥ Violet Violence ☆ on Aug 13, 2010 17:05:14 GMT -7
((MEEP! Oh Neeeeennnnnaaaaa, psst. ))
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Post by Monica on Aug 14, 2010 9:57:04 GMT -7
ah we need her back cuz this is the only thread i'm on *tear* no one wants monica to play
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