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Post by Nikita Bailey on Feb 22, 2008 19:26:13 GMT -7
Its nearing morning and I lay under a dark tree, the bark of the tree is digging into my back, yet I make no move to get away from the small stabbing pains. I was tired, the whole night had been nothing but sex, drugs and loud music at a party I was invited to. I close my eyes, reminding each detail clearly. Its funny because I remember this stuff in detail, but when it came to school stuff, my mind went blank. I look down at my wrists which are red from being tied up. Some people like the kinky stuff, and hey, I'm getting paid sweet money so I don't complain. My arms were free of needle marks, since I don't do drugs by needle. Needles scare me, and its too easy to overdose. Well, thats what I found anyway. Some find it harder to OD, but thats them and not me. Besides, needles, why likes them anyway? I shudder at the simple thought and push it away from my mind to concentrate more.
The wind rustles, and I look up, my eyes trailing the area. I was high still, but I was aware of my surroundings. Standing up, I get a head rush which makes me stumble back into the tree and my hands reach up to rub my temples. Theres something not right, and I have to call out, despite my brain telling me to keep quiet. "Whose there?" My voice is slightly shaky, and I have no weapons so I am pretty defenseless. I still cannot quite figure out what it is I'm feeling, but I know I'll find out soon. I just hope its not when I get killed, and that thought makes me laugh bitterly. If I die now, I'll never get to see my parents again, never try and turn my life around. Sure I'm doing a shit job, but I'm trying. I'm always trying. With my back firmly pressed against the trunk of the tree, I glance upwards, a smile curving on my lips. Theres a branch I can reach and climb up if I get attacked. at least I can get away. |
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Post by alexandria on Feb 22, 2008 20:29:15 GMT -7
Alexandria
Walking around at night living in New York was never a safe thing to do, yet here she was, as usual. The heels of her boots softly tapped against the pavement as her foot landed on it, disturbing the grounds peaceful slumber. She would come outside at night to think, to escape from it all. Or try to, anyway. Every time she tried to escape, her problems, her life, everything seemed to follow her. Thoughts of her life, her family would seep into her brain, completely unbidden. Those thoughts would drown out everything else she had been thinking of, wipe them away as if they were never there. Or was that her tears? Everytime thoughts of her family invaded her mind, it also meant that thoughts of her sister walked straight into the forefront. No, didn't walk, sprinted. So fast she could never see them coming, yet somehow she always knew they were there. Her baby sister, the one person in this world that she perhaps held more dear to her than anything else. She was gone. Something tore her away.
It was colder here without her, danker. The world didn't seem to be as bright anymore. Everything was faded...Always faded. Always blurred, never clear anymore. She'd cried a million tears for her, and she would cry a million more. She thought that perhaps there would be a time when her body would dry up, turn to dust, fade away with the wind. She thought that perhaps one day, the tears would fall so hard, she wouldn't be able to stop them, and they would take her away with them. At times, she wished for it. There was too much pain here, so much cold, so much dark. Her baby sister was gone, and there was a hole in the world.
Her reverie was broken when she heard a voice. It seemed scared. Terrified, even. Alexandria nearly chuckled at the thought. As if anyone had a reason to be terrified of her. Yes, because she looked the murderous, raving psychotic type. After a moment, curiosity overtook her and she turned toward where she heard the voice. What, or rather, who, she saw sent a sharp pain through her body, starting at her heart and echoing throughout her body. She felt as if she could've screamed out. She should have been used to it by now, seeing her face. She always did. Every single face in the world seemed to morph to look like Nikita, especially when night over took the world like this. She tried to turn away, but she found that she couldn't. Her body was paralyzed. It was protesting. It was frozen to the spot. Alexandria's dark eyes continued to stare at the face of her sister, and then, suddenly, she knew. Something in Nikita's eyes gave away her secret. The green depths of them screamed it, made the world shake, shatter. It was in that moment that Alexandria regained movement of her body, only to have her knees buckle as she attempted to take a step. Too late, no one to catch her as she fell. Her knees hit the ground, her body fell limp, and her throat sobbed as tears of shock, love, sadness, and happiness all mingled together on her face.
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Post by Nikita Bailey on Feb 22, 2008 21:09:23 GMT -7
There was no answer, nothing except the trees moving in the slight breeze. Nikita kept still, very still, as if by standing frozen it would stop anyone from seeing her. Scents were being brought along the wind, perfume, food and another strange smells. Nikita was glad she wasn't a dog or someone with a keen sense of smell. Folding her arms across her chest, Nikita took several deep breathes, her mind wandered in many different directions as she waited for what seemed like an eternity. In reality, it was only a few seconds, but to a drugged up human, time would either slow down or speed up. Time really had no place in a drugged up mind, there were only few things one thought of during this state. One thought was she was hungry, even though she had eaten only about an hour ago. Her stomach rumbled, and she placed a hand over her belly in attempts to keep it quiet.
Then she saw who the breeze had alerted, and shock was evident on her pale face. Her blue colored eyes watched as the woman fell to her knees and sobs echoed through out the park. At first, Nikita thought it was a trick of the drug, an image created by her induced stated. As she reached out, she lightly touched the womans shoulder, before pulling back. This was no illusion. Her sister was right in front of her. "Alexandria." Nikita whispered, kneeling down in front of her, resisting the urge to pull her into a hug. How would Alexandria feel if she hugged her? It had been many months since they last laid eyes on one another, the main reason was Nikita had left. Left to try and fix her life. Even though that didn't go so well, she was dealing with it. It would get better, Nikita knew it. Nikita gazed at the form of her sister, choking back tears as she finally gave into her urge and wrapped her arms around the older woman. Alexandria had saved her once before, and thats what mainly helped them with their sibling relationship. Nikita had once hated Alexandria, but not anymore.
Tears, hot tears, ran down her cheeks in silent rivers, spilling onto the dark ground beneath. The wind that blew past stung, the cold shattering through the heat and making her shiver ever so slightly as she held onto her older sister. They were not blood siblings, but that never fazed Nikita. As far as she was concerned, Alexandria was her blood sibling. "It's been too long." Nikita managed to whisper, gladness flooded her body. She had wanted to see someone she cared for, even though Alexandria probably had alot of questions, Nikita didn't care. Her sister was here, and Nikita wanted to know how everything was going. |
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Post by alexandria on Feb 23, 2008 2:37:37 GMT -7
Alexandria
The tears came to her eyes and slipped down her cheeks more rapidly now as her sister placed her arms around her. It took Alexandria a moment, but her arms soon found her baby sister and she held her tightly in her embrace, never wanting to let her go. She'd missed her baby sister so fiercely that it was hard to believe she was back.
The police told them, they told her, her mother, and her father to stop looking. To give up hope that Niki was still alive. The idea that their youngest baby girl was dead nearly killed both her mother and father with the grief, and they all tried to make the definite decision not to believe it. However, as the weeks turned into months, they found it hard to continue to believe that she remained breathing. They still held hope, but it was fleeting.
But now...Now everything was okay. Her baby sister was back in her arms, and the hole in the world started to mend. Her fingers ran themselves through Nikita's red hair softly, and Alexandria slowly pulled back to look at her with tear stained cheeks, her voice shaky and emotional as she spoke, "They took you away from me...'' She stared into her baby sisters eyes, her lips trembling as she spoke, "But now I'm taking you home." She embraced her again, her head resting on Nikita's shoulder as the two sisters kneeled together on the ground, reconnecting.
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Post by Nikita Bailey on Feb 23, 2008 2:59:22 GMT -7
As she was embraced, Nikita cried harder, but still silent as if uttering a single sound would mean horrible torture, as if this was only a dream and that by speaking, the dream would fade, leaving her alone again. For a breif moment, she wondered why she had even left, but only moments later did the reason enter her brain like a virus. Her eyes closed, tears dripped from her eyelashes, and she struggled for breathe. Hearing her sister speak was both good and bad. Hearing her voice again made her smile, even if that smile was ony soft and small. The bad thing was, it meant being flooded with emotions she had once locked up, to keep herself sane and to stop herself from being depressed on those lonely nights. Her family meant alot to her, so leaving them was hard. It was like someone tore out her heart and replaced it with rusty knives and sharp nails. Sometimes, it was unbearable, but she knew, she just knew, she could never go back. Not now.
The words her sister spoke shocked her and she wanted to get up and run. With a heavy heart, Nikita replied, reopening her eyes and looking deep within her sisters eyes. "I cannot go home." Nikita replied, her voice soft and barely heard above the wind that continued to make its way through the lands. "I'm screwed up Alex. I cannot return home, not to face the disappointment." Nikita hugged her sister again, fingers gripping at her sisters shirt. To go back, to see her parents and their disappointment in their youngest daughter. That was too much to bare. She swallowed hard, her head tilting softly to gaze up at the sky. The inky black was slowly fading, replaced by dark blues instead. Stars were still shining just as bright, but they too would fade, like a lost dream in a sea of broken hearts and bleeding souls. |
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Post by alexandria on Mar 1, 2008 15:12:13 GMT -7
Alexandria
To say that she was shocked when her sister informed her that she couldn't go back would be an understatement. Questions rattled her brain, the majority of them 'why?' over and over again. She couldn't go back? What was going on? There was no way that she could just see her sister and not take her back with her. It was impossible.
As her brain contemplated the questions, she felt her sister grasp onto her shirt, and a soft smile fell over her creased with confusion features. She loved her sister, and she missed the embrace. The bond they shared had always been powerful, and, despite the fact that she had been missing, that had not changed.
After a moment, she pulled away from her sister, looking at her face as she shook her head. Removing one of her arms from around her, she wiped the tears off of her sisters face slowly with her thumb, her eyes narrowed slightly. Not in a glare, but in confusion and caring. "Nicks...You have to. You have to come home. Mom and dad are killing themselves...Everyone misses you. They'll be too relieved to be disappointed." She paused, briefly, her tongue flicking out of her mouth and licking her lips, tasting the salt water that had trailed on them from her eyes. "Niki...They think you are dead. You have to return." Her dark eyes bared into her younger sisters and pleaded with her, begged her to see reason.
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Post by Nikita Bailey on Mar 6, 2008 4:17:47 GMT -7
Did she not understand? What I had become was less than human, less than the worst person on earth. I was scum, I sold my body to earn money, money that went on a drug habit I was unable to break. I was dead, the cycle was never ending, and I felt dead. It was just so damn hard to explain. But I guess I had to try, for my sisters sake. To show her why I wasn't able to go back. To the life I used to know. That was just impossible. There was so much, that it would take a little while. Gathering my strength, I look deep into her eyes and hug her again, as if this was the last time I would ever hug her. Hell, in my case, it really might be the last time. That was scary to think, and it made me shake softly before I pulled away and stood up. "Look at me." It wasn't a question.
"I have sex for money, I'm a drug addict. I'm not who I used to be." I don't cry, I have been like this for a while so there was no point crying about it. I close my eyes, my tears from seeing my sister were drying up. This was who I am now. I knew deep down this was me. "I've tried changing, I've tried stopping." I stare straight ahead, not looking at my sister. Speaking it was hard, speaking while looking at her would be harder, more emotional. My fingers rub the red marks from earlier in the night, and it was while I was making sure they weren't too sore, I look down at Alexandria. "They won't want me. Not after what I've become." The words stung, and I choke back tears again. This was alot harder than I ever thought, but speaking, it did make me feel slightly better. |
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Post by alexandria on Mar 30, 2008 2:30:35 GMT -7
Niki embraced me so tightly that I almost winced in pain, though I returned the embrace gladly. What was going on? Why was it that she was cherishing my arms around her so much? I wanted to think that it was just because she missed me dearly, but something told me that it was not just that. A nagging voice in the back of my head. My sisters state worried me more than anything else at that point.
She pulled away and stood up, and as she did that, I gathered my barings and stood, as well. No point in staying seated on the ground, looking like a moron while my baby sister was standing. She told me to look at her, I already was. I didn't want to remove my eyes from her, should she end up slipping away, evaporating into thin air and I was left standing there, tears sliding down my face, alone. It had happened many times before in my dreams. I would be standing there, feet away, speaking to her, and then second I would cast my gaze from hers, she would be gone. I couldn't let that happen. Not now. No, Niki would stay with me.
Some of the things she said shocked me, and brought more tears to my eyes. Though, instead of the previous happy tears, these were ones of sadness. How had my sister become this person? How had she ended up a drug addicted hooker? She was raised better than that, I knew. We both were. If she needed money, she could have easily gone to our parents. They would have given the world to us both on a silver platter if we only asked for it.
My heart broke for my sister, her every word sending daggers to pierce straight through to my soul. I wasn't angry with her, how could I be? I loved her. My family was my whole world, and, no matter what she did, no matter how much time had passed, that family would ALWAYS include Nix. It couldn't be complete without her. It would be broken. I would be broken. One half of a whole. My little sister was like an extension of me. So different, yet so very much the same. I loved her more than I loved my own life, and I would do anything for her.
After a few moments of piercing silence, I spoke, looking straight at her as I shook my head, my long, curly lockes shifting as I did so. "No." I said simply, moving over to my baby sister. I reached my hand out, slowly, taking her chin in it softly, "Mom and dad love you. I love you. No matter what happens, Nix, they will always want you. You are their baby girl, no matter what happens. No matter what you did, have done..That doesn't matter. It never will. It doesn't change the person you are, in here." With a tearful gaze, my hand softly placed itself on her chest, my large doe eyes never leaving my sisters for a moment. "Nikita Bailey, you are the most amazing person I have ever met, no matter what happens in your life. No matter what choices you make, that will never change. You are strong, and you have a heart of gold, sweetie. The world would be a much dimmer place without you in it. Hell...My world...Everything has been cold, faded, broken...Everything just, wrong...Ever since you left." I looked away from my sister, briefly, gazing up at the bright moon as it glowed in the night sky. The silver rays made the tears in my eyes glitter, which made them all the more obvious as they slid down my skin. My heart was breaking even further with every second that passed, my sisters nearness doing nothing to stop it. She thought she was a bad person, I could tell that much. It wasn't true, though. She never could be bad. Nikita held a light inside of her that was rarely, if ever, matched by any other.
Finally, I looked back at my sister, my hands still in place on her chin and over her heart. "We need you, Nix." I sniffed, softly. Very unlady like, but I was beyond caring at that point. "I need you. I don't know what else to tell you...About what you've done...I can only tell you what I know. And what I know is..I need you in my life. Who is gonna be there for me to have those childish, girly sleepovers with? Who am I gonna go to the mall with and stare at cute guys? Who's gonna be there to help me bail on bad dates?" I was mentioning stupid, frivilous things, but it didn't matter. It didn't make the message behind the words any less sincere or true: I loved her. I needed her, and I was going to do everything in my power to ensure that she knew that. My baby sister was going to come back home with me, even if I had to die to make it happen. I would hold her balance, I would be her solid ground, I wouldn't break, I wouldn't bend. It would've all been worth it, just to see a smile grace her lips again.
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Post by Nikita Bailey on Mar 31, 2008 3:49:53 GMT -7
How could they love someone who was like this? I wanted to argue, to fight back. But I didn't have strength. The night had been crazy and so my energy was more sapped than usual, and I was coming down off the high, so I really could not be bothered arguing anymore. It didn't matter what I say, it would not change my sisters mind. As she took my chin in her hands, soft hands that were not full of malice or hurt, she spoke to me, and my mouth was slightly agape. What I was hearing, it wasn't what I had expected. Then again, I hadn't expected to see my sister tonight either. Surprises were always in store. Her hand was now above my heart, and I look into her doe like eyes. She had always remained the good one, not being tempted by things such as drugs or other sinful things, i.e such as sex for money. I didn't understand how she retained a good life, while I was sucked under. This just proves she was a better person than I, a better person than I will ever be. God I wanted to scream.
I look at her, her eyes still, and the moon made the tears in her eyes sparkle. I move my hand to her cheek, resting it there. All the while, I refuse to cry, I couldn't. This was her time to be upset, I had lost that long ago when I left home. No one really needed me, it was simple. My sister could believe that, but I didn't. "I can't go back." I whisper. No matter what she said, I could never go back. I wasn't the same person, I wouldn't fit. Even if I was with family, I would always feel alone, as if the world had taken away everything from me. Like a knife that plunged through my body, ripping every nerve. Painful, and so alone. Utterly alone. "I love you." Pulling away from her grip was like throwing myself onto spikes. It was hard and every move I made seem to make me want to scream. So, I do just that. My scream pierces through the air, shattering the silent morning. If I was a better person, I would stay and work things out. Guess my mind doesn't work like that.
I take off, running through the dark morning. My feet slid along the dewy grass and then I hit pavement. Tears are now running down my cheeks and onto the ground as I continue to run away. I couldn't stand it, and now I may be lost forever. Suddenly, I hit into warm arms, a man is holding me, stopping me from running. "There you are." The guy I had slept with during the party, I didn't think he was around at this time. "Look, I-" He silences me by kissing me and my reflexes kick in. Kicking him in the shins, I break free. "Don't touch me. Our time is up. You don't get a second chance." Not without paying. I think before dodging his arms and taking off down an alleyway. He screams at me, and the whole street can probaby hear. Thats not my main concern. I turn the corner, into a small building. I don't bother to grab the keys, I'm out of here. Kicking the door open, the fragile wood made splinters on the ground, and I hurry about, grabbing clothes and whatever else I could. I had money in the safe under my bed and as I kneel down and grab it, I get a bad feeling in my stomach.
Punching in the numbers, I pull out the cash and shove it into a bag along with the clothes. Slinging the bag over my back, I head into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I start crying more, my fingers gripping at the cool stone. I scream again, breaking the glass with a punch. Cuts line my knuckles, blood begins to drip. For the first time, I regret running. If I stayed with my sister, I could have at least had a better life. No more fuck ups. I slid to the floor and sob, crying and pouring my heart out. I just wasn't able to be strong anymore, my body and resolve was weakening.
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Post by alexandria on Apr 2, 2008 4:32:56 GMT -7
To say that my sister pulling away from me was painful would have been a colossally sized understatement. Why was she running from me? Hadn't I already explained to her that she was welcomed back with open arms? God, she was so stubborn at times. More so than I ever had been. Her pulling away was not the only thing that disoriented me. Her scream did much more than that. I felt a jolt of shattering pain rush through my being at her scream. Such a simple use of the vocals, yet it conveyed more emotion than speaking ever could.
"NIKI!" I heard myself scream into the night air, my voice peircing the earths silence. The scream was to no avail, though, as she was already long gone. Either that, or she had heard my scream and was ignoring me. Last year, she never would have done so. But this was a new Niki. She was not the same person I knew. She'd changed, though I was determined at that point to bring her back to me. To pull her out of the ever gathering darkness. After a moment, I looked up at the sky just as I heard thunder begin to ring in overhead. Rain was nothing new and exciting in New York, though it seemed fitting for that situation. Large raindrops immediately followed the thunder, hitting against my face with they're wetness. They mingled with my tears, running down my cheeks, over my closed lips, and down my chin, and back down to the earth, ready to be recycled once more. Mom had always said that the raindrops that fell from the sky was the earth crying. Years ago, I hadn't believed her. I laughed it off, but here, today, I was inclined to do so. The world had every right to mourn, to scream for my sisters brokenness. She was. It rained the night Niki ran away, also.
I would have loved to leave that place. To walk away and pull myself out of the rain, but I couldn't leave without my sister. No, I had promised her, and myself, long ago that I would protect her. That I would pull her through whatever ailed her. That I would fight for her. I looked down the street, my eyes searching through the heavy rain as I heard a sigh leave my lips. It looked like I was going to have to run. So, that's just what I did. I ran as quick as my dainty feet would take me, disregarding the fact that I would be soaking wet by the time I found someplace to rest. It did not matter at this point. The only thing that mattered, that would ever truly matter, was my little sister. She was out on her own, cold and alone, and I was not going to let her stay that way. I was going to save her again, just like I had the night of the drug overdose, though I'd silently hoped that this would not leave me sitting in a hospital room for hours at her bedside.
I ran past a man wincing in pain, gripping onto his shin as he screamed out about 'getting that little whore.' I almost turned around and gave him a piece of my mind myself, I did not condone such language being used towards anyone. If he was wincing in pain, he must have done something wrong, must have tried to do something he should not have, and therefore he was served correctly. I was not aware that my sister was the one who had inflicted the damage, I didn't care to stay to find out. My legs were tiring, and my breathing was quick and shallow, but still I soldiered on. As I moved through the mess of people, I silently thanked whatever deity was out there for my natural grace and dancer like movements, otherwise I would have surely fallen to the ground by that time.
I finally reached an open, out of the way door. I looked at it, briefly, wondering if my sister could have possibly belonged in some place such low class as this was. My brief wonderings were silenced when I heard a scream pierce air. The scream only could have belonged to Nikita. Taking a deep breath to steady my heart, I raced into the room, nearly screaming out Niki's name once more before seeing her. She was crouched on the floor, sobbing, and I could not help but feel the tears rise to my own eyes and slowly slip down my cheeks once more at the sight of her. There she was, my baby sister, looking so broken. Now it was time to pull out every inch of love I had to fix her. I rushed towards her, my shoes squeaking with every movement, the rain having got to them, but I didn't care. Immediately, I knelt down to her, "Niki..." I said softly, before wrapping my arms around her. I would have given the very breath from my chest if it meant I could take away her pain. I pulled her into me, holding her as she sobbed, and this time, I would continue to hold her. She would not have the opportunity to flee as she had before. I would not allow it.
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Post by Nikita Bailey on Apr 16, 2008 1:24:14 GMT -7
Cold, mind dumbing cold, seeped through my bones and veins, making my blood icy. I was shivering, I knew I should have gotten into drier clothing, or at least pulled something warm over me. I had been fighting for a long time, trying to get my life on track, to be a better person. But I could never be a better person. I would try and fail, try and fail. Over and over again in a never ending cycle. My knuckles hurt, blood dripped down my fingers, sliding down my hands and down my wrists in several lines. They stung each time I move my fingers, the blood wasn't stopping. Looking through blurry eyes, I touch the blood, yelping slightly as I felt pain. More tears slipped from my blue colored eyes, silently dripping down my face like salty rain. I was losing it, nothing made sense anymore. I was a lost cause. A lost cause, even thinking it made me want to curl up into a hole and die, at least I wouldn't be hurting so much inside, making such a mess of my life. If I had taken the help I was offered, I wouldn't be walking down the road to utter darkness, a pathway full of twists and turns, bumps and vines that grabbed you, not letting you back into the light. Despair is what I was feeling, another feeling was being trapped, no way out.
I begin to hear footsteps, only minutes later from my initial entering of my home. I look up, my sister is there, the outline of her body is fuzzy because of my teary eyed vision. "Alex." I whisper, uttering one of her many nicknames. I bite my lip, wondering what was going to happen when I feel her arms wrap around me. Comfort and safety ran through my body, and I wrap my own arms around her, falling into her grasp. My tears are running more freely, a river of hot pain and emotions, each carefully wrapped in each tear drop. I sob into her body, not wanting to leave the comfort of my sisters arms. I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice, and besides, where would I go if I ran again? This was where I lived so running again would be pointless. I could go to the hide out where most hookers went, but that was unsafe most of the time, and cops normally swarmed the place on a weekly basis. There was no way in hell I was going to get arrested.
"I don't want to be alone." I sob, not breaking away. "I can't live like this anymore Alex. I'm lost, I don't know what to do, where to go, who to turn to." I look up into her eyes, still holding on as if afraid of letting go, which I was. I didn't want to be left alone, thats why I had admitted it. Being alone with nothing but my mind to remind me how pathetic and useless I was, to torment me on never getting better. No, I couldn't handle that right now, all I wanted was my sister. Being here right now was enough to make me see that. I was blind, but now I saw I really did need her. More than anything. She hadn't turned away from me, I had turned away from her. But here she was, not leaving me alone for a single second. It reminded me of when I had overdosed, and when Alexandria helped me, she stayed beside me, not leaving. She had saved my life and even when I was trying to push her away, she stayed, not moving from my side. If that wasn't love, I don't know what is and I'm thankful shes my sister.
Now I let her go, pushing myself up and looking around. The cold wind is breezing through and rain keeps lashing at the buildings, making pattering sounds on the rooftops. "Where do we go? Do you have a place?" I ask, grabbing the money in my hands again. "I have enough here if its needed." I add, flipping through the bills. I pass it over to her before grabbing the bag from the room, making sure all my clothes were in it and zipping it right up so that when I moved it, the contents wouldn't spill. "I have to get out of here, I cannot bare to stay here any longer." Besides, I had kicked the door open so if I did stay, I would most likely die from the cold. The thunder rumbled overheard and I shrink back slightly. I had a fear of thunder, and now that my adrenaline from running was wearing off, the fear was now replacing it. "Alex!" I call, slinging the bag over my back and heading back to where my sister was. I begin to tremble and grab her, holding on again.
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