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Post by Bam Margera on Feb 21, 2008 4:11:24 GMT -7
I woke up groggy, my ass hurt like hell. Road rash. Ape and Phil were still knocked the fuck out, but like a good son, I'd give them a wake up call. Stopping by the bathroom for a plunger, I took a massive dump, plunged the toilet a bit, then flushed. I let the plunger drip dry half way, then headed for Phil & Ape's room. The door was opened a crack, so I snuck in. Ape rolled over, and saw me standing in the door way with a plunger. "Bam..what are you..." I put my finger to my lips and said a quiet shhh. She didn't say anything else, but I could tell from the look on her face she wasn't happy. I grinned and approached Phil, still sound asleep, snoring like a fucking bear. I slammed the plunger on his face and pumped it 3 times, laughing my ass off. Whacking him a good one over the head before running out of the room I yelled, "WAKE THE FUCK UP!" Time to get the hell out of the house. I pulled on a HIM shirt and a pair of jeans, grabbed my board and jumped in the lambo. I had a date with the Jackass crew.
Sweet. It was all sunny and warm, the guys had shopping carts, stilts, crutches, fire crackers, and all sorts of other shit. It was time to hit the streets with some fucked up stunts. Jackass style. I popped up my board and walked up to one of the carts filled with random shit. "Dude, what the fuck Knoxville? You didn't bring the chicken suit!" I smacked him upside the head, then dodge to the other side of the cart. I dropped my board into the cart, and pulled out a crutch. "Where the fuck is Dunn? And Wee-Man. And fucking Steve-O?" So far, it was just me, Johnny, and Pontius. I went after Pontius with the crutch, aiming for his nutsack. "Come here Pont, come give some love." He had that "fuck no" look on his face, but I knew he wanted it.
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Post by Johnny Knoxville on Feb 21, 2008 19:00:22 GMT -7
Johnny Knoxville
"Hey all I'm Johnny Knoxville and today we are going to try one of the most killer stunts ever..." I pause as I adjust my sunglasses and look over to Jeff Tremaine behind the camera "What the fuck were we gonna do again today? Shit, I forgot."
Before I could finish the opening segment take, Bam's fucking ass showed up 3 hours late as fucking usual. "Dude, what the fuck Knoxville? You didn't bring the chicken suit!" then the bastard smacked me upside the head. You know it was ON now. Of course the wuss took off running, grabbing a crutch and chasing down Party Boy. So I just had to grab the other crutch and take off after Bam.
Yep, today was gonna be a good day. |
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Post by Chris Pontius on Feb 22, 2008 6:45:51 GMT -7
Chris Pontius
We had been waiting for the rest of the ass crew to show up. Apparently, none of us were morning people. Bam was his usual self, knocking knoxville upside the head. Fucker. Of course I had bunny the lifeguard's outfit with me, never know when someone will need saving! My thong itched my crack for a second. Bam came after me with a crutch. Two birds, one stone, I pulled my sweats down and presented Bam with my ass. "I know how you like it!" My lepord print banana hammock obviously present. With my usual zip up jacket, and matching button down sweats, I was ready to party, whenever we were ready.
Today, like most days, would be the source of immense pain, nudity, and laughing our asses off at eachother. Whenever the rest of the dildos decided to show the fuck up.
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Post by Bam Margera on Feb 22, 2008 7:08:26 GMT -7
"Ah shit!" Johnny was on my ass, after me with crutch number 2, but dammit, I was getting Pont first! "That's right, now bend over Party Boy!" I laughed, shoving the rubber stopper end of the crutch up his ass. "Fuck!" Johnny was waaaay too close to me with the other crutch. I pulled back, dodged behind, or rather in front of Pontius, and weilded the crutch at Knoxville. "What the hell? I didn't do it!" But I had. Probably. I dropped the crutch, letting it fall to the sidewalk with a clatter. "Ok, ok." I put my hands up. "We should wait for Dunn at least, before we beat the hell out of each other. He'll show, if he ever unglues his hand from his dick. Haha!"
I kicked back against the building wall. "So, anyone know if WeeMan or Steve-O's gonna show? Steve-O and I were playing beer pong last night, with dog shit. I got seriously fucked up. So fuck you if I'm late. So is Steve-O." I laughed again.
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Post by Johnny Knoxville on Feb 22, 2008 7:28:54 GMT -7
Dude, you think cuz you drop the crutch I ain't gonna fuck with you? *Throws the crutch at Bam leaning against the wall* . "Shit where are these fuck wads. They better get the fuck here quick or I'm gonna fire their asses. "
"Fuckers."
"Damn, I'm tried of this old shit we been doin' we need to think up something new, bigger, better. Hey, I got it. Why don't we try some old Evel Kenevel stunt, only with bicycles and shopping carts? Yeah, we could attach a rocket to the shopping car and then with the bike we could..."
Yeah, I certainly was a genius. I had an idea. Fuckin' A!!! |
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Post by Chris Pontius on Feb 22, 2008 7:57:51 GMT -7
Chris Pontius
The rubber foot on the crutch hit my ass hard. "Ouch!" I laughed. Then it forcefully ran down my crack. "Ha ha ha haha ha ha" Johnny's comments were blocked out by the throbbing of my ass crack. All I heard was 'fire your asses'.
"Dude, just because you're famous doesn't mean that you're the boss."
Then it hit me. "I have the best Idea in the world!" I laughed uncontrolably.
"We should have a scavenger hunt... like Bam had way back when, only this time, it's every man for himself!"
(OOC: I'm serious, we should each compile a list of 25 things each, then randomly run through threads and get the deeds done! We could post the links in this thread to prove that we actually got a member of this site to participate in the hunt. FUCKING AWESOME!!!! BIC)
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Post by Chris Pontius on Feb 23, 2008 2:40:26 GMT -7
THE HUNT!
1. Get a hot chick to kiss your ass.
2. Kiss a dudes ass.
3. Fling Poop at someone that could kick your ass.
4. Streak covered in paint (color of your choice).
5. Pick a fight with someone of abnormal size.
6. Rob someone, without getting caught!
7. Get a Cop to give you a piggy back ride.
8. Drop a piano on a car.
9. Wack off with a dude present.
10. Hit on a chick, badly, until she knees you in the balls.
11. Shave your ball sack.
12. Make one of your friends eat the newly shaved pubes.
13. Get rammed in the ass by a goat.
14. Make out with a Slayer. (not your own characters!)
15. Smoke a cigarette through your noise.
16. Pants 3 people at random.
17. Make out with a chick, who's boyfriend is present.
18. paint your face with cow crap.
19. Clog all the tolits in a busy place.
20. Vomit on someone.
21. Give 3 wedgies, to 3 random people.
22. Get a fucked up tatoo.
23. Make Ape swear!
24. Walk around as if you were pregnant. (belly and all)
25. Piss someone off so bad that they in turn, piss on you!
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Post by Johnny Knoxville on Feb 23, 2008 4:54:46 GMT -7
Ok, so we all have to come up with our OWN 25 things.... OR are we all trying to do these same 25 things you listed?
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Post by Chris Pontius on Feb 25, 2008 1:16:41 GMT -7
we all come up with 25 things, then we ALL try to accomplish them ALL!
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Post by Johnny Knoxville on Feb 25, 2008 1:21:16 GMT -7
Knox
That's like 75 THINGS!
Geez Louise.
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Post by Bam Margera on Mar 5, 2008 3:44:32 GMT -7
I dodge the crutch Johnny throws, letting it smack the wall and clatter to the ground. "Ha. Right shit head. You're gonna fire us. Then who the fuck are you gonna get to do these stupid ass stunts with you? You know we're the only ones game, fucker!"
I smacked Johnny on the chest. "Dude, we already did that shit. You break your brain or something?" I made a fist and knocked it against his head a few times. "Ha, forgot, that shit's already hollow!"
Ponts was blabbering about having a great fucking idea, but he was laughing so damn hard he couldn't spit it out. "Shut the fuck up and spit it out asshole!" He finally could breathe well enough to say what he was thinking, and I have to admit, the idea wasn't half bad.
"Dude, I'm in. Let's do each others 25 first. Party Boy, it was your idea, so your 25 first. Let's hear 'em!" He rambled off 25 things, each pretty cool. "That sounds doable. Let's get it done and hook up back here! Later fuckers!!!" I made a mental note of each of the 25 things I had to complete to win this scavenger hunt and took off to win this thing.
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Post by Chris Pontius on Mar 5, 2008 3:53:10 GMT -7
Chris Pontius
I cackel. I run after Bam, he wasn't going to win this thing... I am Party Boy, begin with the Party!!!! On my way out the door I throw a quick open hand, slapping Knoxville in the balls. "Ha ha hahahahaahaha!"
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Post by Chris Pontius on Mar 5, 2008 4:04:20 GMT -7
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