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Macabre Daze :: :: ~Bam Margera's House~ :: Shhhhh, are they Sleeping? (Jackasses!)
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★Johnny Knoxville
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 Shhhhh, are they Sleeping? (Jackasses!)
« Thread Started on Feb 24, 2008, 10:03pm »

Knoxville

To the Jackasses:

"Shhhhhhh, shut the fuck up you assholes. Come on, your gonna wake 'em up."
I'm trying to get another show done and these fuckers act like they've never done this shit before. I think I gotta get me some new friends. Anyway...

To the camera/audience:

(whispering)

"Hi I'm Johnny Knoxville and once again we find ourselves at Ape and Phil's place, because we just love to fuck with them. You know we love them with all our hearts because they put up with all our shit, but if I had a son like Bam, I think he'd be dead by now. Well anyway on with it. We are here to do our normal wreakage of havoc. Today we have brought with us, things that are really LOUD and quite possibly fire could erupt. We've got us a big ass bazooka, which is way better than the last one we had because this one is loud and fires water balloons. We also have a variety of fireworks and explosive crap including my personal favorite the M80s. The plan of attack is basically to wake their asses up in as loud and as wet a way as possible. Bam has the bazooka and Pontius and I are gonna go around lighting off the fireworks. We'll try to avoid burning down the house, but you know sometimes shit happens. So back to the mission."


Back to the Jackasses:

"Hey, alright guys Bam you ready with the Water Balloon Bazooka? Shit Ape's gonna love this. Let me and Pont's get set up real quick alright. Hey Pont's you ready. What you got with you? Roman Candles? Whistlers? You got some good shit?"


I sneak through the house toward the hallway where I will commence with my explosive havoc wreaking. Waiting for Pont's to get himself in position and for Bam to just fucking get a grip and get his head in the game.
"Come on Dude! Let's do this stop fucking around."
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Chris Pontius
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 Re: Shhhhh, are they Sleeping? (Jackasses!)
« Reply #1 on Feb 25, 2008, 9:38am »

Chris Pontius

I was standing by with the usual props and devistatingly wonderful props we were going to use. Ya know, everything of the Norm... I look to the camera... "Safty First!" At my feet was a large fire extinguisher. "We'll probably use it even if there ISN'T a fire.." I sitfle my laughter with my hand. Knox was right about one thing, Ape was going to LOVE this.... It was rare that we had the chance to wake her up, usually it's Phils fat ass that sleeps late. Goody for us.

I creep into the room, lining the left side of the bed with all sorts of shit. Roman Candles, Whistlers, Boomers, you name it. I had a pack of sparklers with me, so I lined Phil and Ape's headboard with them.

"We ready to go?"
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 Re: Shhhhh, are they Sleeping? (Jackasses!)
« Reply #2 on Jun 12, 2008, 7:34am »

I smacked Knoxville upside the head. "No shit, fuckwad, that's the point, is waking up Ape & Phil!" I sniggered and backed off before he pounded me, after all we had a show to do. I stood directly behind Knox as he jabbered at the camera, giggling quietly and pointing to the bedroom. "Fuck you Knoxville, you love it!" I hissed under my breath at his comment about having a dead son like me. He went on playing the ring master, and I hoisted the water balloon bazooka as he spoke about it, nodding with a shit eating-grin plastered on my face. "All we do it fuck around Knoxville. We rule!" I laughed and whacked him in the nut sac, just to prove I was ready with the bazooka.

I crept into the 'rents bedroom. Ape was asleep, and Phil was sawing logs, snoring like a motherfucker. Ponts set about with the fireworks, lining them up on the headboard. I took my place at the end of the bed, bazooka hoisted on my shoulder. Knoxville was standing on the right side of the bed, camera crew behind us and off to one side. Closest to the door. Though, Ape and Phil never really retaliated against the crew. They knew it was us that did the damage, not the Joes with the cameras. They were using night vision instead of lights, good thinking.

Knox and Ponts were ready to start lighting the fireworks, so I gave a count down. "3, 2, 1!!!" As soon as I said one, they'd each lit a line of fireworks, from tame sparklers, with loud ass whistling petes, and a bunch of other miscellaneous shit. I began firing off water balloons, careful to only aim for the 'rents and not the display. Phil sucked in a deep snorkle, and began to wake his fat ass up. Ape was quicker, launching herself straight up in bed. "Bam! What the hell? OH MY GOD! Stop it! Oh God!!!" I smiled and lobbed another water balloon at her, "Gooood morning Mom!" I was so full of shit! "We brought you your own Fourth of July!" I nodded at Ponts to get out that fire extinguisher and spray 'em down. Nothing like loud noises, bright lights, and cold shit hitting you in the face to wake you up.
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